perspective, thoughts

The ‘Look’

My whole life I thought there was something wrong with me. It took me 25 years, and time away from home to realize I was completely normal.

I have always thought I wasn’t able to REALLY be friends with guys unless:

  • They were younger than me, or very much older than me (60 year-olds).
  • They were definitely NOT interested in me.
  • They were my boyfriend’s friends.

It turned out I was bumping into the wrong men all these years. Every time I met someone who was not one of the above, I felt uncomfortable. As if there was an invisible tension between us. Even though I was not attracted to them whatsoever.

Something was always very awkward, specially the look in their eyes. I thought I was sending the wrong signals to guys, that I was inviting them to behave like that.

Turns out, men are dicks. Can you imagine that! Really try! Yup, I know. You can see it too. A dick punching a hole through a cream-bun – now it’s a donut! POW

No but really. I’m at this conference, and meet this guy who says we are in the same group for workshop the next day. He gives me the look, and I feel like hiding myself. I wanted to do anything to escape him. Even talk to the boring old lady about her boring journey from New Jersey, and I did.

-The day after we were at the workshop, I was talking to two other guys, also in my group. And then it hit me. Why the fuck didn’t these two make me feel uncomfortable? Why could I laugh, talk and be myself around them? They were both potential mates if I may say so.

It was the look. The sleazy look. They didn’t give me the sleazy look.

That’s when I finally understood there was nothing wrong with me. I finally realized that you can only be friends with a guy who doesn’t send you the sleazy look.